Girl bully

I am Korean and I have fear of arguments. I learn today a new word: amfisbitophobia.

It probably  came from when I was little,  like 5,  when I was in Korea. I remember there being bullies in my kindergarten years. And they were very good at bullying, extremely smart, and I admired them.  I wish I was more  like them.  The bullies that were boys never really bothered me, because there was the difference in nature of bully. The boys were more physical, chasing, lifting my skirt. The girls, however, bullied in an entire new dimension.

They hurt with words, they know how to shame you and they wouldn’t be the one to shame you, they would set you up. These are kids for god’s sakes!

If you’re different, you are an enemy. 

Anyway, this has altered the way I have conversations. I never really have one. Because when there is a disagreement, I feel like it is an argument and I immediately close down, chicken away and be passive.

But now that I have pinpointed this fear in myself, I don’t have it anymore.
Half the work is done.

I just need to practice honest conversations now.


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