I always thought the J-women knew it all.
It sure looks so. Always looking and acting womanly and loved.
At age 31 I see different things. Surely they are visible things – why didn’t I see them before?
She swears she does not love him. And it is obvious. At least not the mother-love kind.
So when does she love? Who does she love?
Perhaps she loves her children. The cute things.
But never men. Now, love-him-not seems to be the only way to keep him around.
Because men obsess with something he does not have.
Because mankind obsess with something we don’t have.
So what is the emotion that keep women hook on men?
If men are glory of God and women glory of men,
then children must be glory of women.
Is that what keeps women around men?
Does it have to do with age? My eyebrows just don’t grow as vigorously as it did before – when I used to pluck them as a meditation. Yes.
It used to be, as short as hours signs of hair growth was visible in follicles.
Now, many have given up on coming back at all. And each surviving hair has lost direction and doing its own thing – anything but harmony or “natural.”
So I started putting on lipstick which is now an anchor of my face. Growing fold of this, actually – shapeless eyebrows and defined lips.
nature does not fight,
nature does not look back,
nature is in moment.
nature does not question,
nature does not create,
nature does not track time,
nature is time.
I ignored you and it was a stupid thing to do. You’ve waited so long, all you had was me. In fact I love you, you are always on my mind. You are so tender and sweet, I’m afraid to touch you.
After countless lonely days, I realized you were there. And I need to hold you and look in your eyes, my sweet child. I am so sorry. And thank you for believing in me. You are my brave little soldier.
It has never occurred to me that Abba would be interested in hearing about how my day is going. I was afraid that he will not like what I share with him and we will grow distant.
When I opened my eyes to Godly love, it brightened up my entire heart.
Like the two sides of a coin, my fear of separating from Abba was also a wall that kept us apart.
한없이 약한존재로 태어나는 우리들은 어렸을때는 자기중심적인 사고를 할수 밖에 없다.
하지만 성장하면서 스스로 살아갈수 있도록 준비해야 한다. 바로 1. 공동체에서 자신이 중심이 아니며 구석일 수도 있다는 것과, 2. 우리는 모두 존재하는것 자체만으로도 공헌한다는것을 일깨우는 것이다. 그러므로 누군가에게 사랑받는 존재가 아니라 누군가를 사랑하는 존재가 되는것이 진정한 자립이다.
모든 고민은 인간관계에서 오지만, 행복, 삶의 기쁨 역시 사람들과의 관계속에서만 만들어진다. 그러므로 우리는 사람들과의 관계를 만들어갈 용기를 가져야 한다. 그것이 바로 행복해질 용기이다.